GOAL SETTING; Setting a goal and making a plan, for example (What to do, when to do it, how to do it) can be a big help. You might just make a list. However, saying your goal out loud focuses your attention and reinforces the message, this in turn controls your runaway emotions and screens out those pesky distractions.
COMPLIMENTS; if you feel you deserve them, then give them to yourself (out loud). Do not wait for others to recognise your achievement, and offer the compliment to you. Your small or big acts that take care of you are important. For instance, you may have been really tempted to eat that cake, or have another alcoholic drink, but you remembered your commitment to yourself to lose a few pounds or reduce the amount of alcohol you drink. This certainly deserves a compliment “I’m proud of you”. You may have found time to finally get around to having the clear up you had been intending on doing over the last year, again celebrate your achievement with a self-compliment “well done me, great job”.
MOTIVATION; you might be struggling with difficult or mundane tasks, or keeping to those goals you set for yourself. Remind yourself of the why you set the goal, or the task that requires your attention, then with a kind voice to yourself “I have the energy to succeed today, so how about getting started right now”. Don’t forget to compliment yourself along the way, “well done me, I managed to get that job done” or “well done me, I stayed on track with avoiding unhealthy food and drink”
OUTER DIALOGUE; Choices are not always easy. Often we respond or react impulsively due to habit or our personal anxiety. Now is the time to create an out loud conversation with yourself, this way you will ‘hear’ what you think. An example of this might go something like this, “I would like to stay because xxxxxxx, however, I want to go because of yyyyyyy. I need to work out which decision is right for me”. Engaging in this self-dialogue can help you to make a compromise or a conciliation between your wants, your needs and other people’s expectations.
Regardless of living by yourself or with other people, you are constantly ‘living with’ your own self. Respectfully engage with your self-talk, it is not a sign of insanity or ‘losing the plot’. It is a sign of good mental health. Remember, you have the right and deserve to extend ‘Self-love and Self-compassion’ to yourself. Be your own advocate.
Wishing you all a happy and successful 2018, whatever your personal goals might be.
Amanda J
Amanda Burbidge Counselling 